When I learned about the concept of ‘Our Unenforceable Rules’ I was completely blown away. I had the privilege of attending a workshop with Dr. Alan Berger about a year ago and he shared this concept with me, and then later endorsed my first book, Living in the Pause.
Here it is… We all have unenforceable rules that we’ve created in our mind of how things ‘should be’ and the only reason that we do this is to attempt to make everyone ‘follow our script’ so that we feel better and get our ‘needs’ met. We want to feel comfortable and un-stressed by the actions of others.
I have been having a hard time very recently (yes I do have hard times even after all the work I’ve done and still do) and I’ve been doing some work on what my ‘needs’ actually are and I am almost convinced that I don’t have any, other than food and shelter.
The dichotomy is we are human beings. We ‘desire’ certain things and think that (because of our blueprints from the past) that we ‘need’ these things, thus morphing into our ‘needs’. The reality is that we need to be OK with ourselves. We need to live from the inside out and we need to do away with our unenforceable rules so that we can allow others to be who and what they want to be.
If you are in a situation that you have chosen (which by the way, you have chosen everything in your world) to be in, accept what’s happening or make a different choice. I know that sounds a bit harsh and we can sugar-coat it and work up to that but eventually this is what you’re gonna get to. We must take responsibility for what we’re doing and/or who we’re doing it with and then and only then will our life not only become manageable but much more meaningful as well.
Our Unenforceable Rules
I urge you to watch closely for those things, as I am having to still do daily, that show up as unenforceable rules. When you have a thought or feeling that is uncomfortable, ask yourself the first question of Byron Katie’s work. “Is that true?” Ask the question and consider if it’s driving you to control someone or something. Then do the next right thing, and let go of the result or outcome.
When we practice this CONSISTENTLY, we can live in the moment, from the inside out, with no judgement, condemnation, or criticism. And realize this…. you’re not going to always get everything you want or think you need. Acceptance is the first level of living in the moment consciousness as per Eckhart Tolle and you can drive yourself crazy trying to attain things you THINK you need. Pause, and breathe. Those things may not be needs. They may be Unenforceable Rules.